The Producers (Hetalia Style!)
by HeroinOfDarkness
Summary: Down on his luck, Feliks Lucasiewicz, a once famous Broadway producer, plots to make a fortune from a flop. Unfortunately, Toris, A meek accountant, is dragged into the scheme and is forced to deal with a crazy German, Italian directors, and a beautiful Belarusian. Not to mention the possibility of jail time. Will they succeed? For Toris' sake, I sure hope so.
1. I used to like, be the king

_Down on his luck, Feliks Lucasiewicz, a once famous Broadway producer, plots to make a fortune from a flop. Unfortunately, Toris, A meek accountant, is dragged into the scheme and is forced to deal with a crazy German, Italian directors, and a beautiful Belarusian. Not to mention the possibility of jail time. Will they succeed? For Toris' sake, I sure hope so._

**Max Bialystock-Feliks Lucasiewicz/Poland**

**Usherette #1-Mei/Taiwan**

**Usherette #2-Ling/Vietnam**

**Carpenter-Tai/Thailand**

**Violinist-Rodrich/Austria**

**Homeless person #1-Lilli/Liechtenstein**

**Homeless Person #2-Vash/Switzerland**

_**I, HeroinOfDarkness, do NOT own Hetalia, The Producers, or ANYTHING.**_

* * *

It was a busy night at the Himaruya theatre where Feliks Lucasiewicz's brand spankin' new play 'Funny Boy' was opening. Refined men and women dressed to impress are crowding the grand theatre as two usherettes, both Asian and dressed in red uniforms, smile and try to take their minds off of the knots in their stomachs. As the final person enters the now crowded theatre, the shorter of the two employees goes up to the taller one in anticipation.

"I hope they like the show." said the short brunette with long hair.

"Don't worry Mei," Said the tall usherette, whose brown hair was tied in a tight ponytail. "Feliks is very talented. They'd be fools not to like it."

"Thanks Ling." Said Mei, "That's reassuring."

Ling smiles at her sister and walks into the theatre. "Come on, we've got two hours until the show ends, let's wait in the lobby."

After about two hours of waiting, the play finally finishes and the sisters step outside of the theatre to prepare for the crowd.

"Opening Night. Opening Night. It's opening night!"

The two usherettes, standing on opposite sides of the red carpet holding programs, begin to sing in unison.

"It's Feliks Lucasiewicz's latest show. Will it flop or will it go? The cast is taking their final bow. Here comes the audience now. The doors are opening, they're on their 's hear what they have to say."

A large crowd then rushes out of the theatre, bulldozing the brunettes out-of-the-way. 'Jerks', thought Ling as she helped Mei off of the ground. 'At least the crowd looks pleased. Maybe they liked it.' The crowd of people, who all had smiles on their faces, begins to talk about the play they've just watched among themselves.

"He's done it again. He's done it again. Feliks Lucasiewicz has done it again. We can't believe it. You can't conceive it. "

"How did he achieve it?" The women sang shrugging. "It's the worst show in town!"

Upon hearing this, Mei and Ling's hopeful smiles dropped. Confused, Mei decides to approach the group.

"Was it really that bad?" She asked

"We sat there sighing. Groaning and crying." The crowd replied, circling the young usherette. "There's no denying, it's the worst show in town!"

An Asian carpenter walks near the marquee and places down a ladder as some of the nicely dressed women start to put in their opinion.

"Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss... "

"...We've seen shit, but never like this!" sang the men, ripping their programs

"Felix Lucasiewicz has done it again!" sang the crowd in unison. "Oh, the book was rotten. The songs were stinkin'. What he did to Shakespeare, Booth did to Lincoln."

"We had this especially made up for Feliks Lucasiewicz." Said the carpenter, standing on top of his ladder next to the marque. He then pulls on the lever and "Opening Night" is switched to "Closing Night." the action gets the audience members laughing and a glare sent from Ling.

The audience members continue their song near a man hidden behind a newspaper. As the crowd start to hail cabs, they start to wrap up their songs.

"Oh, we couldn't leave faster. What a disaster. We are still in shock. Who produced this schlock? Why that fruity, snooty Feliks Lucasiewicz! What a bum!"

As the crowd leaves, the man puts down the newspaper, revealing his face. The man has straight, chin-length straw blonde hair and angry green eyes. He is wearing a dark blue suite with gold cuff-links with a black cape and what he called a "producer's hat." Who is this guy? He is Feliks Lucasiewicz, the guy the audience was just ripping on just now. The poor shmuck whose play was a total flop.

"Tai! You jerk!" yelled Ling as she threw a rock at the carpenter's head.

"What?" Tai yelled back, rubbing the bruise that was now forming on his head. "Its not my fault they didn't like the play! I was just trying to lighten the mood!"

"Still," replied Ling as she pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. "You don't have to twist the knife. Felix is already upset."

As her sister argues with her, erm, boyfriend, Mei goes up to Feliks in hopes to comfort her friend.

"Don't listen to them Feliks. Rich people are jerks!"

"I know," started Feliks, still visibly upset. "I used to be one of those rich jerks."

"Cheer up!" said Tai, walking over to the two with Ling. "Things always work out in the end."

Ling nods in agreement. "He's right you know. Even though this experience ended badly, it will lead you to a better one."

When Feliks still hadn't cheered up, the three Asians tried again.

"Why don't you come over for dinner?" started Mei. "We're having Thai."

Feliks, finally giving a small smile, just gives a curt nod. "Thanks, but, I just need to be alone for a while, Y'know, to figure things out."

"Well, you're always welcome to our home" Said Ling walking away with Mei and Tai. "Bye Feliks."

"Bye guys. Tell Yao thanks for letting me use the theatre."

As the Asians walked away, Feliks picks up a newspaper and begins to read about the reviews.

"By the end of 'Funny Boy', Feliks Lucasiewicz's hopeless musical production of 'Hamlet', everybody is dead. They were the lucky ones." Feliks then angrily crumples the newspaper and throws it on the ground. "And this was the best review we got!" He yells before slumping down to the ground, his arms and head lying on his knees.

'How could this have happened?' thought Feliks. 'Where did I go wrong? Like, Why God? Why?'

As Feliks wallows in self-pity, a formal looking man with neat brown hair holding a violin appears near the blonde. 'Might as well since I'm here' thought the man as he starts playing a sad tune on his violin. Feliks, with a hole in his heart, looks up into the sky and asks:

"Where did I go wrong? Like, tell me. Tell me, please! What the hell happened to me? Why, you're looking at the guy who..."

Feliks stops his singing and gives an expectant look to the violinist. "What?" Asked the man with a German-like accent. Feliks gives him another look, which the violinist finally gets. After adjusting the strings, the man plays a slightly more upbeat tune to which Felix resumes his song.

"I used to like, be the King. The King of Old Broadway." Feliks walks over to a nearby news stand and sits on top of a soapbox. "The best of everything was mine to have each day. Oh, I always had the like, biggest hits. The biggest bathrooms at the Ritz. My showgirls had like, the biggest tits. I never was the pits in any way."

As Feliks continued his song, a group of homeless people become entranced with his singing. A blonde girl, who was probably 13 or 14, walked up to Feliks.

"I believe you, thousands wouldn't" She sang. "I believe you, every word. I believe you, thousands couldn't. I believe each word I've heard."

Feliks looks at the young girl in surprise.

"I used to be the King." Sang Feliks.

"The King?" The homeless people questioned

"Yes," Replied Feliks. "The King of Old Broadway."

"Ja, it's good to be the King." The violinist admitted, with a fond smile.

"My praises, they would sing. A Ziegfeld, so they'd say. My shows were like, always filled with class. The best champagnes would fill my glass. My lap was like, filled with gorgeous ass." Sang Feliks as he grabs a guy with short blonde hair, and drops the youth on his lap, causing both the homeless people and the violinist to laugh. The young blonde, however, doesn't find this amusing and shoots a glare at Feliks, who doesn't notice.

"You couldn't call me crass in anyway."

As more people appear at his side, Feliks takes out a bottle of vodka from his pants, takes a sip and sticks the bottle into the young man's mouth. After taking in so much alcohol, the youth stumbles off of Feliks' lap and throws the now empty bottle on ground.

"We believe you, thousands wouldn't. We believe you, every word. We believe you, thousands couldn't. We believe each word we've heard."

'These guys get it. Like, why doesn't everybody else?' Thought Feliks, now walking around with a look of frustration.

"Oh, there was a time when I was young and gay...but bi." Feliks stated as-a-matter-of-factly, "There was a time when I was bold. There was a time when each and every play I touched..." Feliks, now angry takes a program from a nun while continuing to sing."...Would turn to gold." sang Feliks as he throws down the program with disgust.

"There was a time he wore the finest clothes." Sang the homeless crowd as they lifted up Feliks onto the news stand.

"I did!" Feliks sobbed.

"His shoes were always new." Sang the nuns, now a part of the crowd.

"Now, I wear a rented tux that's like, two weeks overdue!"

"Poor Feliks, what a schmoozer. Poor Feliks, what a shame." Sang the crowd of nuns and homeless people, dancing around the news stand. "Poor Feliks, what a loser. Poor Feliks, good-bye fame."

"Such reviews. How quickly they forget!" yelled Feliks. "I am Feliks Lucasiewicz, the first producer to like, ever do summer stock in the winter!"

"Once he was the king."

"Have you ever heard of 'Theatre in the Round?' Why, you're looking at the guy who invented 'Theatre in the Square.' Nobody had a good seat!"

"King of Old Broadway!"

"Why, I was even a protégé of the great theatrical genius, Boris Tomaschevski."

Upon hearing this, everybody, excluding the violinist, stopped what they were doing and huddled around Feliks, eager to hear more.

"Really?" asked the blonde young man from earlier, who looked especially interested.

"Yes, oh, yes." Feliks replied. "He taught me everything I know. And I remember one night, when he turned to me on his death-bed and he said 'Feliksella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jedentug a gentzen kachen!'"

The crowd gives Feliks a look of confusion. "Uh… what does that mean? asked one of the nuns.

"Who knows?" Felix replied shrugging. "I don't speak Yiddish. Strangely enough, neither did he." The crowd shares a small chuckle before Feliks continues talking. "Yet, in my heart, I knew he was saying. He was saying 'When you're down and out and everybody thinks you're finished, that's time to stand up on your two feet and shout 'Who do you have to fuck to get a break in this stinkin' town?'"

"Yay!" shouted the nuns and hobos as they start to dance a traditional Jewish dance. Feliks joins in their dance with a smile on his face. As they dance the violinist climbs onto the theatre roof and starts to play a song that matches the dancing. Feliks, now totally cheered up, hops into a garbage can and is spun around by a couple of trash collectors who had just shown up.

"I like, used to be the king." Feliks sang "The king of old Broadway. Again I will be king. And like, be on top to stay."

"On top to stay, hey!" Sang the crowd of nuns and hobos, acting as back-up.

"There'll be gala opening nights again. You'll see my name in lights again. I'll go from dark to brights again. My spirits high as kites again. I'll never suffer slights again. I'll taste those sweet delights again. No plethora of plights again. No blossoming of blights again. No frantic fits or frights again. Fame is in my sights again. I'll take those fancy flights again. I'm gonna scare the heights again." 'I will be one top of the world again.' thought Feliks. 'That is a promise I intend to keep. No matter what.' "Felix will never drop. Feliks will never stop... Feliks will be on top again!"

Feliks then scurries over to a moving cab and jumps on top of the cab's roof. He didn't care that he would've probably broken his neck. Fame is in his sights again. He'll take those fancy flights again. He's gonna scale the heights again. He'll never stop. "I'll be on top again, hey!" Feliks declares to his crowd as the cab drives off into the distance.

"I hope things work out for him". Said the same young girl who had approached Feliks earlier. "Don't worry about him Lilli." Vash replied, putting a comforting hand on his little sister's shoulder. "Whatever happens, happens. Let's just worry about us for now." Lilli noticed her brother stealing a glance at the violinist, who was putting his violin in its case.

"Well this has certainly been interesting" said the violinist as he walked up to the blonde siblings. "Thanks for getting me to come play for the homeless." When her brother didn't respond, instead just avoiding eye contact with the brunette, Lilli decided to express their gratitude for him. "No, thank you Mr. Rodrich." Lilli said gratefully. "Everyone had fun! And your music even cheered up that one man!"

"Thank you." Rodrich said giving a smile. Upon seeing the brunette smile, Vash blushed. "Well, thanks for coming!" The older blonde said as he walked away in anger, dragging Lilli with him.

Confused, Rodrich just shrugs and makes his way home. As soon as the brunette was out of sight, Vash began to slow his pace. "Big brother, why don't you just tell him?" Lilli questioned. Vash just blushed harder. "Let's just hurry up and catch up with the others." The embarrassed blonde said, avoiding his sister's question. "We need to find somewhere to sleep. Tomorrow's Saturday, so the soup kitchen closes at eleven.

"Ok big brother" said the younger blonde, remembering their current circumstance, as they walked into the night.

* * *

**Well here it is! AGAIN!**

**Seriously though...It took me FOREVER to get this chapter on! I can only write and post during school because I don't own a computer.**

**Is it bad? Please tell me if it is!**

**Also, the reason I picked Poland to be Max was because when I saw _The Producers_ it reminded me of Lithuania's and Poland's friendship. Originally, Poland and Liet were gonna be Robert and Carmen, but that would have just been too predictable. Hopefully this works out!**

**No this will NOT be a LietPol. I do like the ship on occasion, but this story will not feature it.**

**Please review and tell me how I can improve!**

**HERO OUT! *Flies to Italy***


	2. We Can Do It!

It had been two days since the "Funny Boy" flop and Feliks, who was now sitting in his crappy office/home, was no where close to being on the top again. In fact, he was pretty sure he was even farther from the top because the day before, he had to pay all of the staff and crew of the mediocre musical and Yao for letting him use the theatre. On the plus side though, Feliks took up Ling, Tai, and Mei's offer and had a pleasant lunch with them.

Well sorta. Feliks and the Asian family had brought food Yao made to those homeless people he had met the other night. Turns out, they actually live in the alley way next to the theatre and Feliks caught sight of them digging through the dumpsters. Damn his conscience.

Currently, Feliks was sitting on his cluttered couch and trying to fix his hair. It had been a week since he'd showered, and the dark blue dress shirt he was in was starting to show that. His black vest was slightly tattered and had patches of different colored fabric sewn on, because he couldn't afford the fabric he needed. Feliks was in real deep. He had no money, he looked like crap, and some PA was on his way to do is books. 'Maybe', thought Feliks as he stopped trying to groom himself, 'Maybe I could "convince" the guy to look the other way. I could...' "No. No" Feliks admitted, swatting that idea away. After the month he's had, Feliks was starting to get sick of sex. Deeming himself royaly boned, the blonde lumps onto his couch, scattering paper everywhere, downs some vodka he had found in between the cushions and falls into a long needed miniature coma.

Two hours later, while Feliks slept soundly, someone had made their way to Feliks' office/home. This someone was a tall, thin man whose brown hair reached his shoulders, and wore a plain grey suit. Focusing his blue-green eyes, the man read what was on the door in front of him, revealing his heavy accent. "Felix Lucasiewicz: Broadway extraordinaire. This must be it then." After knocking for about five minutes, the tall brunette, seeing that the door wasn't actually locked, decided to just let himself in.

'Rather messy...' Thought the man as he entered the room. The room _was_ rather messy. Dirty laundry was hung up on a wire that stretched across the room, and paper was everywhere, especially on the couch. "Mr. Lucasiewicz?" the brunette called out. "Mr. Lucasiewicz?" Like a bat out of hell, an angry Feliks pops out of the pile of old news-papers that was on his couch.

"WHAT THE HELL?" The blonde yelled in rage. "LIKE, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"

The intruder, now utterly terrified, lets out a scream as he rushes back to where he came, hoping to escape. 'Oh no you don't' thought Feliks as jumps off of the cluttered couch. Unfortunately for the brunette, the door has suddenly decided to not open, trapping him with a deranged blonde. 'Pleas open!Please open!Pleas open!' pleaded the intruder, still trying to pry open the door.

Slamming his hand on the door, Feliks, whose face was only inches away from his intruder's, began to question the strange man, who is now frozen with fear. "Who are you? What do you want? What are you doing here?" he asked. When the man didn't respond, Feliks tried again, only this time, yelling louder. "Well? Speak, dummy, speak!" 'What the hell is wrong with this guy?' thought Feliks. "Why don't you speak?"

"Scared. Can't talk." The man replied, not moving an inch. Realizing the situation, Feliks started to calm down 'I must've scared him...'

"Look, I'm sorry." started Feliks as he holds out his hand. "Here, let me help you there." After looking at the blonde, who now seemed calm, the stranger hesitantly takes Feliks' hand and unlatches himself from the door. "Alright then, just calm down." Feliks said as he led the frightened man away from the door. "Just like, take a deep breath and relax." The man does what he's told and takes a deep breath, but lets out a strange, weenie-like sound. Like a wimpy shudder. Upon hearing the man exhale, Feliks gives him questionable look. "Who the hell are you?" He asks, clearly annoyed

"Who? OH! Me! I'm Toris Laurinaitis." Replied the man, now calm and shaking Feliks' hand.

"Laurinaitis?" he asked. "Really?" said Feliks, to which Toris replies with a nod. 'Yeesh, that's a mouth full.'

"Yes, I'm from Lithuania and came here with my mother and brothers when I was 16. I'm an accountant from Braginsky & Co. I've actually come to do you're books."

"You don't say" Feliks asked carefully. 'This weenie is my PA?' He thought. 'This weirdo?' It was clear to Feliks that this man definitely had something wrong with him. Glancing at the brunette, who was giving a friendly smile, Feliks decided that maybe he just scared the guy more than he thought. 'Well, I _have_ known stranger people.' Shrugging, Feliks accept what he was told "Alright then," Said the blonde as he walks to his desk. "Like, let me show you the books. Wait right there."

"Oh, Ok" Toris, not wanting to anger the blonde again, stayed where he was standing. He thought about sitting, but seeing how unclean the couch next him was changed his mind.

"So like," started the blonde grabbing the books from his mahogany desk. "You're from Lithuania?"

"Yes"

"Mind if I call you Liet?"

"Well actually-"

"You're an accountant?"

"Oh, uh yes, sir, I am."

"Then like, account for yourself!" Yelled Felix, slamming the books back onto the desk. Staring down a startled Toris, Feliks walks in front of his desk, and begins to argue with, what it seemed to be, no one in particular. "Do you believe in God? Do you believe in gold? What are you doing walking into other people's homes? A perv are you?" He said, pointing an accusing finger at the accountant before pacing back and forth. "I know what you're thinking. Like, You're thinking 'How dare you condemn me without knowing all the facts!'?"

"Mr. Lucasiewicz, please..."said Toris, trying to calm don the angry blonde.

"Shut up! I'm like, having a rhetorical conversation here!" Feliks yelled, turning to face Toris, who decides to just let him continue his deranged rant. "Do you know who I used to be?" Feliks asks.

"Why, yes actually," Toris admitted. "You're Feliks Lucasiewicz, the King of Broadway."

"No, I'm Feliks Lucas-" Wait! He knows who I am?' This sure changed Feliks' mood. "That's right." A now happy Feliks said, walking towards Toris. "That's right."

"And might I say, Mr. Lucasiewicz. And please don't take this the wrong way; you're not just some raging queen-"

"Gee, thanks". Feliks interrupted with a sarcastic tone.

"-You're also an incredible Broadway producer." Finished Toris as he put an arm around his client. "Why, the first show I saw when I first came to America was Bialyhoo's of '42."

"Oh, Bialyhoo's" Feliks repeated fondly. 'That was my first big hit~'. Smiling to himself, Feliks begins to look back at the start of his days of glory. 'Ah, it seemed like it was yesterday. I was 18 years old and fresh from college. I had started out my career as an intern for Tomaschevski. It was like, a miracle when old Bor Bor's heart gave out and left production to me…'

While Feliks was reminiscing, Toris took out his wallet and fished out an old, worn-out admissions ticket. "This" he began, holding the ticket in front of feliks' face. "This is the ticket from that show. I still have it." Snapping back into the present, Feliks looks at the ticket. 'He actually kept this old piece of paper?' he thought to himself. "Well, will you look at that?"

"Yes. And ever since," Toris said, putting the ticket back into his wallet. "I've had a secret desire to become a famous Broadway producer."

'Secret desire, eh?' Thought Feliks. The kid seemed to have heart, but it takes a lot more than heart to accomplish anything in this city, and well, he just seemed too naïve. "Well then, wanna like, hear some advice?" asked the blonde putting an arm around his guest. "Oh, Yes sir" the brunette replied almost excitedly as the blonde gave a small chuckle. "Keep it a secret." Feliks said bluntly, causing Toris' hopeful smile drop. Seeing his accountant's smile drop made Feliks feel bad, but it's probably for the best. Broadway can be a cold, harsh mistress. He should just stick to what he knows. "Do the books. Do the books. Top drawer to the left" said feliks, pointing to his desk as he made his way to his balcony. A bit disappointed, Toris rushes over to the blonde's desk and begins to read the accounting books.

Feliks, now standing on his balcony, sees something that piques his interest. A platinum blonde woman is walking out of a stainless white Rolls Royce. Even though her back is to him, Feliks already knew that the side of her he was currently looking at was all anyone needed to see. 'Aw, what the hell. It's been awhile since I've picked up a woman. One that was around my age at least.' Feliks lets out a wolf whistle, hoping to catch the blonde's attention. "Hey Liet!" He called inside his office. "Check this out! A hot Blondie waltzing out of a Rolls Royce! Totes awesome!" Turing back his attention to the blonde, who was now entering Café Sweden, and gave another wolf whistle. "That's it hun! When you've got it, flaunt it!"

'Doesn't this man have any shame?' Thought Toris who was watching his client harass some poor lady. Ah well, it was none of his business. "Mr. Lucasiewicz, may I speak to you for a minute?" With the blonde already out of sight, Feliks turns his attention back to his accountant. "A minute?" he asks.

"Yes, a minute please." The brunette replies, gesturing for Feliks to come. "Alright then," The blonde replied as he took out a stop-watch and began timing. "Like, you have 59 seconds left!"

"What?" Toris asked alarmed. "Y-you're timing me?"

"Time is money. If you're wasting time, you're wasting money."

"Um Ok…" 'It's probably best not to question him.' Not knowing what else to do, Toris just went with it. "Mr. Lucasiewicz, I've been glancing at your-"

"You have 48 seconds!"

"-A-at your books, you seem to-"

"Come on, Liet. Like, you have 36 seconds left kid. Tick, Tock."

"Mr. Lucasiewicz…" Toris began, as he slowly takes out a blue blanket and begins rubbing his face with it.

"10, 9, 8, 7, 6..."

"I cannot function..."

"5, 4, 3, 2,"

"cannot function under these conditions!" the brunette finally said. "You're making me extremely nervous!" As Toris continued to rub his face with the small blanket, Feliks finally takes notice. 'The hell?' he thought. "What's that?" Feliks asks, pointing at the blanket. Feeling like a child whose been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, Toris tries to hide his special little blanket behind his back. "Uh, what's what?"

'Is he serious?' the blonde asked mentally. Pointing once again Feliks replies. "That."

"Oh uh, it's nothing"

"Well, if it's nothing, then like, why can't I see it?" Feliks manages to snatch the blanket and starts to look over it. 'Geez. I knew he was a nut, but this is just sad!' Seeing some stranger place his filthy hands on his blanket, Toris nervously gets up from his seat at the desk. The accountant, who only five minutes ago was too scared to even move, begins to yell, startling Feliks. "My blanket, my blue blanket! Give me back my blue blanket!" Toris screamed while flailing his arms around, much to Feliks' horror. "Give it to me, give it to me!"

Feliks, now horrified, flings it back to the crazed brunette. "Okay, here it is! Please, just like, calm down!" With his precious blanket back in hand, Toris begins to calm down and resumes rubbing his face with it. "I'm sorry. I just don't like people touching my blue blanket. It's a minor compulsion. I can deal with it. If I want to. It's just I find it very comforting." Too scared to even point out all of the things wrong with that sentence, Feliks just nods. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I just need to lie down for a moment." Toris said, before flopping down to the floor.

'Oy' thought Feliks as he looked down at his accountant, who was now laying on his back with his blanket over his face. 'Oh god.' Feliks looks upwards. "They come here. They all come here. Like, how do they find me?" Feliks looks back down at Toris. 'Did this nut fall asleep?' To make sure that some maniac hadn't fallen asleep in the middle of his office, Feliks steps over Toris' sleeping form and slightly lifts the blanket up. Toris' eyes were closed, but feeling the blanket moved made him open his eyes wide open. Seeing Feliks stand over him, Toris let out another scream.

Feliks, who had flinched a little from Toris' scream, looked at the brunette in exhaustion. "What now?"

"You-you're going to jump on me!"

"What?"

"You're going to jump on me. A-and squash me like a bug!"

"Wha-No, I'm not going to jump on you." Feliks said calmly, trying to talk over Toris' yelling. Maybe if he just kept his cool, then his accountant might chill out.

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

Now frustrated with the erratic accountant, Feliks begins jumping up and down. So much for keeping his cool. "I'm not going to jump on you!" Toris, who lets out another scream, scrambles from underneath his client and rushes over to the corner of the room.

"Jesus." Feliks scoffed, seeing the brunette cower in the corner. This guy is worse than a Chihuahua. At least you could bribe a Chihuahua with food. "Like, get a hold of yourself." Feliks walks over to the corner, blocking Toris from getting away. "What's with you?"

"I'm hysterical!" Toris screamed into the blonde's face. "I can't stop when I get like this." Now a panicky mess, Toris continues to scream over and over.

After having been screamed at repeatedly, Feliks decides to back away from the brunette. "Yeah, I can see that." Panicking himself, Feliks rushes to his desk, pours a cup of water, rushes back to Toris, and splashes the brunettes in the face. 'That should calm him down.'

When the water made contact with his face, Toris stopped screaming. 'It worked!" The blonde thought. But, much to Feliks' dismay, Toris' distressed expression returned. "I'm wet!" He yelled. "I'm hysterical and I'm wet!"

'For the love of god!' Having enough of the brunette's episode, Feliks gives the hysteric accountant a firm slap in the face, causing him to stop yelling for a moment. Of course, this doesn't help. If anything, it only made it worst.

"I'm in pain!" Toris yelled. "I'm in pain, I'm wet and I'm still hysterical!"

Seeing that nothing he did had worked, Feliks began to lose it. "Oh, what do you want me to do?" Clutching his head with his hands, Feliks began to tear up. "You're like, getting me hysterical now!"

"G-get away from me. You frighten me!" Toris points across the room at Feliks' desk. "Go! Go over there. Hurry!" Not knowing what else to do, Feliks rushes to his desk and sits down. "Ok, Ok! Look! I'm sitting down now. Better?"

"You still look kind of angry." Toris said, eyeing Feliks suspiciously. "Could you smile for me?" Was he serious? Well if it'll calm the guy down… Feliks forces the sweetest smile he can muster up. "Better now?" Toris, now calm again, smiles back at his client and moves away from his position at the corner.

"Alright, come here," Feliks said, gesturing his accountant to approach, much like how a child would try to convince a puppy to lick their hand. "Like, who's my little accountant? Who's my little accountant?"

"I-I am?"

"Yes, you are. Yes, you are"

"I'm him." Toris said with a smile forming on his face. 'He's actually really nice.' Laughing at the blonde's humorous, yet kind action, Toris approaches his client in a calm matter. "Thank you for smiling. It really helped."

"Well, you know what they say." Feliks said getting up from his seat and walking over to the brunette. "Smile and the whole world smiles with you." As Toris crouched down to pick up his blanket that was dropped, Feliks looked over to his favorite bust of Shakespeare" This man should be in a straightjacket." He said to it, as if it could actually hear him. "Any better?" Feliks asked, turning his attention back at Toris, who was now getting up.

"Oh, yes, thank you." The brunette replied, oblivious to what his client had just said about him to a hunk of bronze. "Mr. Lucaseiwicz, may I speak to you for a moment?" Toris asked while clearing his little blanket from inexistent dust.

"Yes, what can I do for you, Prince Mishkin?"

"This is hardly a time for levity." Toris said while making his way to the blonde's desk and picking up some papers. "I've encountered a serious error in the accounts of your last play, 'Funny Boy.'" Looking over the paper once again, Toris continues. "According to the backer's list, you raised almost $100,000. But the play only cost $98,000 to produce." Looking back up at Feliks, the the accountant shoots his client a serious look. "You have $2000 un-accounted for."

'Oh hear we go!' Thought Feliks while rolling his eyes. "So I went to a Turkish bath. Who cares? The show was a total flop!"

Toris sits down at the desk. "Yes, but if they find out, you can go to jail.

'Jail!?' Like hell he was going to jail. "Liet, could you like, do me a favor?" Feliks asked almost desperately. "Move a couple of digits around. You can do it. You're an accountant. You're part of a noble profession. Why, the word, count is part of your title."

"That's cheating" Toris said giving a serious face to his client.

"It's not cheating! It's charity. You see this stick-pin?" The blonde asked, showing a pin with a hollow hold to his accountant. "This like, used to hold a pearl as big as your eye!" Walking to the other side of the desk, Feliks continue his rant "I used to wear handmade Italian suites!" Feliks un-ties his belt and shows it to at Toris. "Now look at me! I'm wearing a cardboard belt!" Felix exclaimed before tearing the belt to shreds. Grabbing Toris' hand, Feliks kneels down in a pleading position, even putting on his best puppy-dog face. "Toris please don't send me to prison! Help me!" cried the blonde, who was now tearing up a bit.

'Should I really be doing this?" Toris wondered as he looked at the now bawling blonde. 'It would be illegal, but he seems like he kinda needs it. After all, he did smile for me and calmed me down…' Sighing in defeat, Toris gives in. "Okay, okay. I'll do it"

"You will?"

"Yea. I mean, $2000 isn't that much. I'm sure I can hide it somewhere. After all, the IRS isn't interested in a show that flopped."

Feliks enthusiastically pops up from his pleading position. "Yes, good thinking, Liet! You figure it out. I'm going to take a little napsky." Said Feliks as he lies down on his sofa and closes his eyes.

'Was he faking it?' Toris wondered. 'Aw well, like I said, it's only 2,000' Taking out his trusty pen, Toris begins to work his magic. "Let's see. Move a little bit the one. Hhm. Hhm." When Toris finished what he needed to, he immediately realized something incredible. "It's amazing. It's absolutely amazing, but...under the right circumstances, a producer could make more money with a flop than he could with a hit."

Upon hearing this, Feliks instantly pops up from the couch. Make more money with a flop than a hit? Is that even possible? "Are you serious?" The blonde asked as he shoots the accountant, who still had his face in his work, a curious look.

"Yes, it's quite possible." Toris replied, not even bothering to look up. "If he were certain a show could fail, a man could make a fortune."

"What?" The blonde asked, catching Toris' attention.

"Yes, what?"

"What you were saying. Like, keep going."

"What was I saying?"

Rolling his eyes, Feliks got up from the couch, and walked up to his desk. He puts both his hands flat on the desk and casts Toris a serious look. "You were saying that under the right circumstances, a producer could make more money with a flop than he could with a hit!"

"Oh. Well yes, it's quite possible"

"You keep saying that, but you don't tell me how." Feliks said, feeling pretty close to strangling the brunette.

"Well, it's simply a matter of creative accounting." Toris says, oblivious to Feliks' occasional greedy nature. "Let's assume just for a moment that you are a dishonest man."

"Like, assume away."

"Well, you did it so yourself only on a much smaller scale. You raised more money than you needed to produce your last play." The brunette explained to his client. "Now, if you were really a bold criminal, you would have raised a million dollars, put on your $98,000 flop and kept the rest."

'Really?' This idea was starting to sound better and better. But before one makes a rash decision, one must consider the backlash. "And, out of some miracle, what if my show was a hit?"

"Well, then you would go to jail, instead of a hundred percent, you would have raised more than a thousand percent and with so many backers to go around, you wouldn't be able to pay them all back. Get it?

"Got it!" Alright! As long as the show flops, then there is no negative consequence. "So in order for our scheme to work, we'd need to find a sure-fire flop?"

Scheme? "What scheme?"

"What scheme?" Feliks laughed "Your scheme, you little genius!"

What on earth is he talking about? "I meant no scheme. I merely posed a simple academic accounting theory. It was just a thought"

"Liet, worlds have turned on such thoughts." Putting his arm around Toris, Feliks began to work his charm. "Don't you see, Liet, darling Liet glorious Liet? It's so simple! Step 1: We find the worst play ever written, a sure-fire flop." Taking his arm off of the accountant, Feliks shifts to the brunettes right. "Step 2: We hire the worst director in town. Step 3: We raise two million dollars!

"Two?"

"Yep! One million for me. One million for you." The blonde elbows Toris in his side. "There's a lot of money out there! Step 4: We hire the worst actors in New York and open on Broadway. And like, before you can stay Step 5, we close on Broadway, take our two million and totally go to Rio!"

Was he crazy? No he shouldn't say that. He's completely out of his mind! But still, a million dollars?' Toris began to think about it. 'Well, that would definitely pay the bills. I could even buy a big, new house for my mother and brothers. I could quit my job! _They_ could quit _their_ jobs. Maybe, maybe…" But before Toris could think any further, he realizes something. 'What if the plan fails? What if we got caught? I could go to jail! Then who'll take care of my family? They need me!' Taking in a deep breath, Toris begins to pack up his briefcase. "I'm sorry but, that would never work."

"Oh, ye of little faith"

Toris doesn't respond, instead makes his way towards the exit. 'Guess I gotta convince the guy…' thought Feliks. Jumping on top of his desk, the blonde yells out. "Toris!" Stopping in his tracks, Toris gives a curious look to Feliks, who is now pointing towards him. "Like, what did Louis say to Clark when everything looked bleak? What did Sir Edmund say to Tensing as they struggled towards Everest's peak? What did Washington say to his troops as they crossed the Delaware? I'm sure you're well aware."

Although he knew what was coming, Toris figured that if the blonde went on another rant, then he could sneak away while he was distracted. "W-what did they say?" The brunette hesitantly asked.

"We can do it." Answered the blonde in his singing voice. "We can do it. We can do it, me and you." Making a big leap from the desk, Feliks lands right in front of Toris and grab him by the shoulders. "We can do it. We can do it. We can make our dreams come true." Feliks sits Toris down onto the couch as he continues. "Everything you've ever wanted is just waiting to be had. Beautiful girls wearing nothing but you, undressing you and like, driving you mad!"

"No!" yelled Toris before leaping up from his seat. Grabbing his coat, the brunette rushes out of the door.

"Wait! Liet!" Feliks yelled out, running his accountant, grabbing his own coat and hat on the way. Once Toris ran out of the building, the brunette ran across the street, but only to be stopped in front of Café Sweden by Feliks. Holding Toris by the shoulders Feliks continues singing. "We can do it. We can do it. This is not the time to shirk. We can do it. You won't rue it. Say good bye to petty clerk." If Feliks was going to convince the accountant to help, he was going to have to sweeten the deal. Shaking Toris hand suddenly, Feliks continues. "Hi producer. Yes, producer. I mean you, sir, go berserk."When Toris pointed at himself for clarification, Feliks smiles and nod before grabbing both of the brunette's hand and spinning him around. "We can do it. We can do it. 'Cause I know it's gonna work." Feliks stops singing, and lets go of Toris while giving him an expectant look. "Well, what do you say, Liet?

What _could_ he say? It's a great offer, but it was too big of a risk. He's never done anything like this before. He would also be risking too much. Giving Feliks a quick glance, Toris finally decides on his answer."What do I say? Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer. What do I say? Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir. What do I say? What do I say? Here's what I say to you, sir." As Toris paused briefly, Feliks gave a hopeful smile. "I can't do it." Toris finally says, causing Feliks' smile to drop. "I can't do it. I can't do it. That's not me. I'm a loser, I'm a coward. I'm a chicken, don't you see? When it comes to wooing women, there's a few things that I lack." Toris grabs a poster with a showgirl on from the wall next to him and shows it to Feliks. "Beautiful girls, wearing nothing but pearls. Caressing me, embracing me. Why, I'd have an attack!" Feeling another episode coming on, Toris takes out his blanket once again and rubs his face with it.

Clearly annoyed, Feliks glares at the brunette. "Why you slimy little caterpillar, don't you like, ever want to become a butterfly?" asked Feliks as he snatched Toris' blanket, only to immediately stuff it in the accountant's mouth when the brunette began to scream. "C'mon Liet, don't you ever want to spread your wings and flap your way to glory?"

"No!" Replied Toris, who still had his blanket in his mouth. Before Feliks could say anything else, Toris ran off and jumped into a nearby cab.

"Where to?" the cab driver asked, not even noticing that his passenger was sweaty and removing a small blue blanket from his mouth.

"Central Park. Please!" Said Toris as he secured his seatbelt and putting his wet blanket into his coat pocket. Trying to relax, the brunette pulled at his collar. "Gotta breath. Gotta breath." But to Toris' dismay, Feliks had managed to jump in the cab just as it was starting to drive away. 'Oh come on! What's it gonna take to get him to see I'm not that type of guy?' As Feliks took in a deep breath to continue his song, Toris decided to just try to reason with him. 'I'm sure he can be reasonable…' But, just as Toris began to speak, Feliks started up his song.

"We can do it."

"Mr. Lucaseiwicz."

"We can do it. We can grab that holy grail."

'Guess I'll have to fight fire with fire.' Toris concluded, letting out a frustrated huff. "Please stop this song. You've got me wrong. I'll say so long. I'm not as strong a person as you think."

"Drink champagne, not ginger ale."

"Mr. Lucasiewicz. Just take a look. I'm not a crook. I'm just a schnook. The bottom line is that I stink!"

"Come on, Liet-o. Can't you see-o?"

"You see Rio. I see jail."

"Central Park!" The driver yelled out as the cab came to a halt. After paying his cab fare, Toris jumps out, and before Feliks could follow, the brunette slams the door on the blonde's face before running down a flight of stairs leading into the park.

"Toris wait!" Feliks cried out, as he got out of the cab, rubbing the bruise that was now forming on his face.

'Why is he still chasing me?' Toris mentally screamed as he saw Feliks chase him down the steps. To make matters worse, he was getting closer with each word he sang. Wait. Was he still singing?

"We can do it."

"I can't do it."

"We can do it."

"I can't do it. I cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot, CANNOT do it. 'Cause I know it's gonna fail-AH!" Somehow, Feliks had not only managed to catch up with Toris, but had also tackled the brunette into a giant fountain that was located in a clearing at the bottom of the steps.

"WAH! I'M DROWNING!"

Before Toris could have another freak attack, Feliks stood up and pulled the accountant by the back of his coat and dropped out of the fountain. As Toris was trying to relax and catch his break, Feliks stepped out of the fountain and kneeled down on his knee to continue his talk with Toris. "Come on, Liet. How can it miss? All you need is a little courage. Why, you're like a…like a…" 'What is this guy like' Wondered Feliks as he looked around the park for inspiration. Noticing the fountain besides them, the blonde gestures toward it. "You're like a fountain!"

"I'm like a fountain?" Toris said, giving the blonde a questionable look as he stood up.

"Yes, you're a fountain!" Feliks yelled back, making Toris flinch. "You're a fountain just waiting to explode into the sky!" Feliks jumped up onto his feet and put his hand on Toris' shoulder. "Don't you see there's a lot more to you than there is to you?" Upon hearing that awkward sentence leave his mouth, Feliks tries to think over what the hell he had just said.

"Look." Toris said, stopping Feliks mid-thought. "I'm sorry , really I am, but I'm afraid you've made a terrible error in judgment. You've mistaken me for someone with a spine. I'm going back to Braginsky and Co. now." Toris said, giving Feliks a pat on the back before leaving. "Good bye, forever!"

"No! Liet!" Feliks yelled out as Toris walked away in the direction of a rather large building. "Think about it! Like, you'll never get a cab at this hour!" As Toris disappeared into the large building, Feliks kneels down and looks up into the sky. Well, time for plan B. Putting his hands together in a praying position, Feliks began to plea. "Oh Lord, dear lord." Stretching his arms out Feliks yelled. "I WANT THAT MONEY!"

* * *

**Chapter 2~ Finally!**

**This took longer than the first chapter! But that's because my family had just recently faced a tragedy.**

**On the positive side, I actually managed to post this! Originally, I was going to use my OCs for New York and New Jersey to be max and Leo, Respectively, but decided to just use them later. They'll appear later in the story, but nothing big.**

**Sillypandalover91-I hope you like this new chapter! :3**

**hetaliashipcaptain- Yes I will definitely continue and worry not! There shall be LietBel! :3**

**TheInvisibleShapeshifter-Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! When I first saw the movie I thought 'Who would play Nathan Lane better than Poland?'**

**Please Review!**

**HERO AWAY! *Flies into a cake***


	3. I Wanna Be A Producer

_**Mr. Marks-Ivan Braginsky/Russia-32**_

_**Accountants-Eduard/Estonia-20 and Raivis/Latvia-16**_

_**I, HeroinOfDarkness, do NOT own Hetalia, The Producers, or ANYTHING.**_

* * *

As Toris entered the big, grey building he began to fix his hair, which was still wet, along with the rest of his body. 'I can't believe he pushed me into the fountain. How am I going to explain this to my boss?" Giving a shudder at the thought of his boss, Toris stopped in the middle of the lobby looks back to where he can still see the top part of the fountain in the distance. Despite himself, he really felt guilty for not helping the blonde. Was that right? Realizing what he was thinking, Toris mentally slapped himself. 'No. I did the right thing. I'm an honest man. I can't afford to take such a risk.'

Fixing himself up to the best of his abilities, Toris looks into a mirror that happened to be next to him for further examination. Well, at least he was clean…. "Maybe he won't notice." The brunette said to himself as he entered the elevator. As the elevator went up, Toris kept trying to reassure himself. "Maybe he won't even notice me." But what if he does? He's a really scary guy! Tearing up to the thought of what his boss would do to him if he was unhappy, Toris yelled out in surprise when he heard the ding indicating he has reached his floor. "Alright. Just do your work and don't make eye contact" Taking a deep breath, Toris gathers up his courage and walks into his usual workplace.

The room he entered was extremely grey. Grey walls, grey floor, and miserable looking men in grey suits sitting in neatly assorted grey desks. The only color that popped out was the bright sunflowers that were scattered around the room in their grey vases and the dark green visors on top of everyone's head. Scanning the dull room, Toris spots his two brothers Eduard and Raivis, sitting in their respective desks near his own. The two notice their brother's presence and give him a smile and polite nod in which Toris returns. Walking to his neatly organized desk, Toris ties his hair into a little ponytail and takes out his paperwork.

"Toris," Eduard said, still doing his own work. "Why are you wet?"

"Oh, um," Shuffling through his papers, Toris debated whether or not to just tell them the whole story or just why he was wet. Glancing back at the blonde, who was now giving him an expectant look, Toris decided to just tell him the latter. "Someone tackled me into the fountain outside." He said with a nervous chuckle.

Upon hearing this Eduard gave his elder brother a confused look while Raivis, the youngest, completely stopped his work and leaned up to Toris who happened to sit in front of him. "Were you mugged big brother?"

"What? No! Nothing like that!" It would be hard to explain to them what happened. Especially at work. Stiffling himself, Toris takes a quick look around the room. Alright, in the clear. Lowering his head back to his work, Toris whispers back to his brothers. "I'll tell you guys later."

As the brothers continued their work, all of the accountants in the room decided to sing their usual song.

"Unhappy. Unhappy. Very, very, very, very unhappy." Weirdly enough, this is the song the boss had instructed them to sing every day. If they didn't, then they would get what he called a punishment. "Unhappy. Unhappy. Very, very, very unhappy."

"Laurinaitis~"

The sound of their boss's voice makes everyone stop dead in their tracks. Hearing the voice come from behind him, Toris' heart nearly stopped. Oh god! Frightened, Toris slowly turned his head around to see none other than his boss, Ivan Braginsky, with a giant brown cigar hanging from his creepy smile. 'How long has he been there?' The brunette wondered. Toris, along with everybody else, was right to be scared. Ivan was extremely tall, making him tower almost anybody he met. His skin was somewhat pale and his eyes where violet, making him seem almost unreal. But, what was most unsettling was the fact that almost all of the time Ivan wore a creepy, innocent smile, one that he uses to mask his cruel nature.

"Comrade~" Ivan said while putting his hand on Toris' shoulder, his terrifying smile not leaving his face. "Where have you been? As you can tell, we are at an accounting firm, not a country club." Ivan takes his chocolate cigar from his mouth and takes a bite, letting the caramel drip a little. "You can't just wonder off like that." He said, after engulfing the rest of the sweet.

"Oh, uh, sorry sir…"

Out of nowhere, Ivan brings both of his large hands to Toris' face and pinches both cheeks. Too scared to resist, the brunette just holds in his scream. "Remember~ you are a PA, a public accountant." Ivan pulls a little harder. "And I am a CPA, a _certified_ public accountant. A rank a miserable little worm like yourself could never hope to achieve." The accountants, not knowing what else to do, just sat and watched their poor friend get scolded.

"Y-yes, . Thank you for speaking to me."

Ivan lets go of the brunette's face. "Da~ You're welcome." Turning around, Ivan sends a warning to the rest of the office. "And what do you think are you all looking at?" He said making the employees flinch. "You're acting like you've never seen someone get scolded. Back to work! All of you!" The accountants look back down to their desks and continue their work and song.

"Unhappy. Unhappy. Very, very, very unhappy."

Pleased with the progress, Ivan turns to make his leave, but before actually leaving to his private office, he suddenly turns to Raivis and yells out "Boo!" causing the little brunette to yell and tremble in fear. Seeing the boy scared like that makes Ivan laugh before finally leaving. After the door closed, the accountants began to relax a little. Eduard, wanting to calm his little brother, began to sing his part of the song.

"Oh, I debits all the mornin'. And I credits all the ebenin'. Until them ledgers be right." As Eduard sang, the rest of the accountants raise their ledgers high and wave them about.

"Until them ledgers be right."

After putting their ledgers down, the accountants stop and take a moment to stretch their arms a little. Toris, however, takes out some paper and begins to doodle. They weren't allowed many breaks, so Toris used all of the time he could to dream about his fantasy. Nobody ever told him that it wasn't allowed.

"I spent my life accounting with figures and such."

"Unhappy."

"To what is my life amounting. It figures, not much." It had been ten years since he and his brothers came to America. And out of all that time, he had only been accounting. He never had time to do anything else because, despite being a great worker, he was paid very little. Almost every last cent went into food, clothes and the small apartment the three of them shared. The rest they saved to buy their mother into the country.

"Unhappy."

Looking down at his paper, Toris marvels at his doodle, his name in lights on Broadway. "I have a secret desire, hiding deep in my soul." For some reason he thinks back to Feliks and his offer. He has always wanted to be a producer with all of the perks of being successful. "It sets my heart a fire to see me in this role."

Putting down his pencil, Toris lets out a sigh, puts his chin on his fist and looks up into the ceiling.

"I wanna be a producer with a hit show on Broadway. I wanna be a producer, lunch at Sweden's every day." Getting up from his seat, Toris picks up his finished work and walks over to the wall of file cabinets on the right side of the room. "I wanna be a producer. Sport atop hat and a cane. I wanna be a producer and drive those chorus girls insane."

As Toris reached to the handle to open the file cabinet, it suddenly began to shake uncontrollably. 'Oh god! Did I break it?' Toris thought. Looking around the room, Toris noticed that everyone else was still working and had failed to notice the whole wall shaking. Do they not see it? How couldn't they? Before Toris could speak up to address the shaking, the cabinet stops rattling and a beautiful girl wearing nothing but pearls pops out. 'Where did she come from?' Not long after the girl popped out, a couple more in the same outfit followed. The last girl that revealed herself was shorter, and was not as beautiful as the others. 'Where did _they_ come from?" The chorus girls walk around Toris and form a chorus line with him in the middle.

Let's see, Toris was surrounded by women, he wasn't in pain, and Mr. Braginsky hasn't showed up to ruin his fun. Was he dreaming? Shrugging, Toris just comes to the conclusion that he was just day-dreaming. So, why not have fun? Signaling the girls to dance, Toris begins to sing again.

"I wanna be a producer and sleep until half past two. I wanna be a producer and say hi to you, you, you..." Exiting the chorus line, Toris walks down the line-up and points at the girls. Toris stops at the not so beautiful girl and smiles. "Yes, you too." The girl returns the smile and continues dancing.

"I wanna be a producer. Wear a tux on opening nights. I wanna be a producer and see my name Toris Laurinaitis in lights."

Completely out of nowhere, the drawers magically turn into steps, and Toris walks up them. And why not? It was _his_ dream. As soon as Toris reached the top of the stairs, he had entered what seemed to be a fantasy stage with his name on the marquees. The theater grew more and more and many different doors appeared. One by one, the girls wearing pearls start coming out of each door and began to dance happily ala Fred Astaire, with Toris. I think it's safe to assume that Toris was having the time of his life. How couldn't he? He was surrounded by women, His name was in lights, and he apparently owned a huge theatre! As Toris and the girls formed a chorus line, they began walking down a flight of stairs with "Toris Laurinaitis" printed in lights on them.

"He wants to be a producer. With a great, big Broadway smash." The girls begin to throw dollar bills at Toris. "He wants to be a producer, with his pockets stuffed with cash." Toris leaves the exit line and starts walking behind the girls.

"He wants to be a producer. Pinch our cheeks till we go..."

"Ouch!"

"Eek!"

"Ooh!"

"Oh!"

"Ahh!"

"Yes!"

Toris walks in front of the girls and stands proudly as the girls continue to dance behind him. Was this how success felt? Was this how it felt to be happy?

"He wants to be a producer with a great, big casting couch."

"I wanna be..."

"He wants to be..."

"I wanna be..."

"He wants to be..."

"I wanna be the greatest, grandest and most fabulous producer in the world!"

"He wants to be a producer." Toris takes out a champagne glass from out of nowhere. "He wants to dine with a duchess and a duke."

"I just got to be a producer." One of the girls takes out a champagne bottle and pours some in Toris' glass. "Drink champagne until I puke." Toris proceeds to down his drink and tosses it aside somewhere.

"Drink champagne 'til he pukes."

Toris couldn't be happier. He was living his dream. "I wanna be a producer. Show the world just what I got." Dancing around the girls some more, Toris began to smile widely. "I'm gonna put on shows that will enthrall 'em. Read my name in Wong's column. I wanna be a producer."

Too preoccupied with his dream, Toris failed to notice that the girls had removed his scarf and top hat. While he was dancing in front of them, one of the girls gave Toris a little push off-stage. Wait!

_SNAP!_

Snapping out of his day-dream, Toris looks at his now broken pencil and at his doodle of the marquee on his notebook. 'Oh, it _was_ a dream…' Disappointed, Toris suddenly remembers why he wants to be a producer. "'Cause it's everything I'm not."

"Unhappy. So unhappy. Very, very,very, very, very…." Taking a big sigh, the accountants finish their song. "…sad.

"I wanna be a producer." Who was he kidding? He didn't have what it took to be a success! He just sang a whole song about it earlier that day! All he has to do is try, but no. He wasn't man enough to do even that.

"Unhappy. Unhappy." As the accountants started up their song from the beginning, Toris looked at his brothers. His _kid_ brothers, who had to drop out of school to help him pay the bills. Of course it wasn't by choice, they're hands were forced when the landlord threatened to throw them out if they didn't pay their bills on time. Toris took notice of Raivis' face that now homed a bruise. 'When did that happen?' Toris wondered, his blood now boiling.

"I wanna be a producer." His brothers deserved better than this. He deserved better than this. Toris knew what he had to do. If he was ever going to grow a spine, now would be the time.

"Wait a minute." He said to himself. "Hold everything! Hold everything!"

Eduard and Raivis look at Toris in concern. "Big brother, is everything Ok?" The youngest asked.

"I'm great!" He replied, now smiling, which made his brothers even more concerned, it wasn't like him to show such happiness at work. "Mr. Lucasiewicz was right. There is a lot more to me than there is to me." Getting out of his desk, Toris climbs on top of it and begins to yell out. "Stop the world! I wanna get on!"

The accountants let out gasp and begin to whisper amongst themselves. Was he nuts? Mr. Braginsky will kill him! Who's Mr. Lucasiwicz? At this point Toris couldn't care less what they said, he was going to pursue his dream and nobody is going to stop him.

"What exactly is going on in here?"

Except, maybe, his boss.

"Is that the revolting stench of self-esteem I smell?" Walking over to Toris, who has now climbed off of his desk, Ivan flashed everyone a "warning smile", hoping to intimidate them back into place. "Where do you think _you're_ going comrade?" He asked, almost too pleasantly. "As I recall, you've already had your toilet break. Or do you need a reminder?"

Taking a big gulp, Toris laid out his options, either tell Ivan straight out he quits or pass out. The passing out idea sure looked good to the brunette right now, but looking back at his brothers, Toris quickly changed his mind. "No Mr. Braginsky, I'm not going into the toilet. I'm going into show business!" Backing away from Ivan, Toris continued. "And I've got news for you. I quit!" The brunette then picks both of his brothers out of their desks by the shoulders. "They quit!"

At that moment, the whole room fell silent. All of the accountants just stared at their boss, scaed of what he'll do. Surprisingly, Ivan just smiles and lets out a chuckle. "Go ahead." He said mockingly. "You'll come crawling back when you land flat on your face."

While his brothers ppacked their things, Toris just looked back at his now former boss. "Your wrong! I'll make it! You'll see!" With that, Toris and his brothers left, only for the brunette to return a second later. "But, you are right about one thing. You _are_ a CPA. A certified public asshole!" The whole room, except Ivan himself, let out a huge gasp. No one has ever said something so bold to him like that. Surprisingly, Ivan didn't seem upset. In Fact, his smile grew, making him look even creepier than usual.

Oblivious to the towering man's smile, Toris threw his company pencil at Ivan's feet. "I wanna be a producer. Show the world just what I've got." Almost out of nowhere, the girls from his day-dream popped out from behind Ivan and joined in. Wait! They were real?

"He's gonna be a producer!"

Happy to have some back up, Toris grabbed the door and was already half-way out. "Look out Broadway! 'Cause here I come!" Slamming the door, Toris finishes his song and resignation, much to everyone's shock. Well, almost everyone. Despite just being told off in front of everybody, Ivan just turned to face his remaining employees. " Alright shows over. Back to work~" With his ever-creepy smile on his face, Ivan walked back to his private office. He wasn't worried at all, nor did that display upset him because he knew that they would be back. Whether they wanted to or not.

* * *

Outside of the building, where the sky was now filled with the colors of the sunset, Toris and his brothers began to laugh. It had been so long since they last shared a laugh, so it felt good.

"I can't believe you did that!" Eduard said, while trying to catch his breath.

"Well I did!" Toris replied proudly.

"I'm really glad we quit." Raivis said with a smile. "It was really awful working for like that." Raivis remembered not too fondly all of the times when he messed up and was punished for it. He tended to make mistakes quite often, which meant he was punished a lot. The only thing that would lift their spirits was the paychecks they got at the end of the month. The paychecks from their jobs. That they just quit from. Oh dear god!

Raivis, just realizing what they've just done, lets out a yell, startling his older brothers. "We have no jobs! What are we going to do for money?"

Eduard walks over to the little brunette and holds him by the shoulders, hoping to relax him. When Raivis stopped yelling, Eduard, still holding on to him, looked at Toris in concern. "What are we going to do? The only reason we got this job was because no one else was willing to hire under aged immigrants." It was true, any decent jobs that paid well wouldn't hire a teenager from some country they never heard of. Which was ridiculous, Lithuania is clearly seen on the map! As for the people who would hire Toris, well, hopefully no one was _that_ desperate for money...

"Don't worry about that." Toris told them reassuringly. "I have a plan to get us enough money to both live on and get mom into the country."

"Really?"

"Yes. Now," digging through his pockets, Toris fished out some money and gave it to Eduard. "Here, you two go home and get some rest. And tomorrow, enroll Raivis into school."

Raivis, excited to go back to school, lunged towards Toris glomped him. "I can really go back to school? Thank you big brother!"

Toris smiled and returned the hug. "You're welcome." It's been too long since he's seen his youngest brother smile like that. Hopefully this would be the start of a new life for them. After giving Toris a pat on the back, Eduard took Raivis and the two made their way back home. Looking up into the sky, which was now fading into a dark blue, Toris made his way back to where he last left Feliks. 'Let's see.. If I catch a cab now, then I can talk to Feliks before he goes to bed.' While Toris thought about what he was going to say, something unusual caught his eye. It was Feliks kneeling down in front of the fountain, in what looked like a praying position. Wait a minute! Has he been there the whole time? 'I left him there about two hours ago! Why is he still here?'

Despite a little part of him telling him to run, Toris scurried over to the blonde. "Feliks!" he called out, catching the blonde's attention. "I'm back, Feliks! I'm back!"

Feliks was quite surprised. He didn't think the brunette would actually come back. Maybe, just maybe, fate had a hand in this. Looking up into the sky once more, Feliks gave a heartfelt thanks to the man upstairs, much to Toris' confusion.

"Who you are you talking to?"

"Oh, just an old friend." The blond replied as he got up to stand. Flashing an anxious smile, Feliks put a hand on the brunette's shoulder "What happened? I thought you didn't want to risk going to jail."

"Oh, just that all this time I was worried I'd go to jail, but then I realized I already was in jail!" Toris said as he grabbed Feliks by the shoulder. "For ten years I've been sitting in a cold, gray room, counting other people's money. People I'm smarter than! Better than!" Letting go of the blonde, Toris began to show a determined look on his face. "Where's my share? When's it going to be my day? Why, I want, I want..." As Toris looked around, Feliks waited in anticipation. Toris then looked at the fountan, the incredible, majestic fountain. Without giving a second thought, Toris jumps steps up on top of the fountain's outer ledge and looked up into the sky. "I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!"

That's what Feliks wanted to hear! This is great! They'll be rich in no time. "And Toris, you're gonna get it, because..."

Taking a deep breath, Feliks began to sing. "We can do it. We can do it."

Instead of running away this time, Toris actually joined in on Feliks' singing. "I wanna be a producer."

Feliks steps onto the fountain with Toris and the two began to dance. "Say good bye to woe and gloom!"

"I wanna be a producer."

"Up together we will zoom." The two grabbed ahold of each other and made a leap into the water. After feeling the water between their ankles, the two began to twirl each other. "We can do it. We can do it."

"Every show I touch I doom."

After twirling around in the fountain, the two came to a stop in front of the centerpiece of the fountain. To the both of them, it seemed like the beginning of a beautiful partnership. Almost like fate.

"We were fated to be mated. We're Feliks and Toris!" At that instance, the whole fountain lights up and the water shoots up excitedly into the night sky, creating a rather spectacular sight.

* * *

**Hooray! 3 chapters in and I'm not dead! This calls for celebration! *throws confetti* But, seriously, i'm just glad I was able to finish this before my birthday. *cough* May 6th *Cough***

**I hope I made Russia seem creepy. That was my main goal in this chapter. :3**

**And yes, we will be seeing him later. But it will only be short lived, so don't expect anything spectacular...****But do expect to see a certain German next chapter! Hopefully, Ill be able to do him and his character some justice!**

**Thank you pastaaddict and TheInvisibleShapeshifter for putting this story into their favorites and for pastaaddict and sillypandalover91 for following! :3**

**sillypandalover91-**** Thank you! that really means a lot coming from you! I had a ton of fun writing that chapter! Hopefully I'll continue to do you proud! :3**

**Cassie-Thank _you _for reviewing! And yes, Feliks does make an awesome Max!**

**Well that wraps up this chapter! Please Review!**

**HERO AWAY! *Flies into a steakhouse***


	4. Dur Guten Tag Hop Clop

_**Franz Liebkin- Ludwig Beilschmidt/Germany-28**_

_****__**I, HeroinOfDarkness, do NOT own Hetalia, The Producers, or ANYTHING.**_

* * *

After Feliks and Toris came to an agreement on their partnership, the two went straight to Feliks' place. Apparently, Feliks had some material that could help them. Unfortunately, Feliks, being so disorganized, had totally forgotten where said material was, so the two had spent all night reading ideas sent from writers. And that's where they are right now, at 6 AM in the morning, reading stories in the blonde's office/home.

Leo, sitting in a leather chair, stopped reading for a minute, and took a moment to look around him. The office is messier than before, food thrown was throughout the room and piles of scripts everywhere. He hated it. Call him a neat freak, but it was messes like this that kept him up at night, even if it wasn't his own home. Toris took notice of the sun rising and looked at his watch. 6 AM. 'How long have we been at this?' Toris wondered. "Have we been reading all night?' Letting out an exhausted sigh, Toris looks up at Feliks, who is lying down on the sofa. "Feliks, I give up. We've been reading plays all night. Can't we just stop for a bit?"

"No," The blonde replied, putting the script he just picked up back down. "We've got to find the worst play ever written." Giving Toris a firm look, Feliks continued. "You wanna be a producer? Like, read. Read! Keep reading!" Picking up the script he just put down, Feliks begins to read. "Plot. Gilbert, an orphan albino gypsy, is adopted by Judge Wolfgang after the tragic death of his parents. Raised with the belief that he is a monster, he resides in Notre Dame as its bell ringer until he meets a certain wayward curled gypsy and travels down the path of self-discovery and adventure." After skimming through it, Feliks closes it in frustration. "Damn, it's good! Too good!" _Now_ they send him good scripts! Stuffing the script into the couch cushion, Feliks makes a mental note to keep this for when he goes back to producing successful plays.

Toris, finishing the script he had taken a break from, reads the ending out loud. "The two cats slept through the night, ignoring whatever noises came from their master's bed. They weren't completely sure what they were doing but whatever it was, it sure did make them happy. And a happy master is a happy kitty. Even if one of the masters _was_ a little merman." What a lovely story. But awfully familiar. "Wait a minute." Giving the script a closer look, Toris realized something. "I think I read this play. Hold on. What's it called?" The brunette turns to the front page and reads the title. "The Little merman." Already tired of reading, Toris stands up and begins rubbing the temples of his forehead. "Oh, I've been reading plays I've read all night! This is hopeless!"

I did seem hopeless. They've been at this since yesterday night. Neither of them had showered, much to their annoyance, and frankly they were exhausted. Maybe, maybe this was a bad idea… 'No' Feliks mentally yelled to himself. 'Just gotta keep going. Until we find the one!' Feliks, now determined, grabbed the first script on the pile to his right and gripped it tightly. 'Until we find the one.' While, Toris rambled on about something, Feliks read the script in his hands eagerly. It was there, on page four, that Feliks had found what he's been looking for. 'This is it!'

Finishing up his rant, Toris turned to Feliks and gave the blonde, who was smiling at the script, a serious look. "Let's face it, Feliks. We're never gonna find it."

"Never gonna find it, huh? Never gonna find it?" Flopping down onto the floor, Feliks gestures the brunette to sit beside him. Curious to why Feliks seems so happy, Toris does what he's told and sits beside the giddy blonde. Once Toris had seated himself, Feliks shoved the script in Toris' face. "See it. Smell it. Touch it." Toris, not sure where Feliks was going with this, gives the script a small sniff and gave it a poke. "Kiss it." Kiss it? When Toris refused to do it, Feliks said commanded more sternly. "Kiss it!" Figuring he has no choice, Toris kisses the script.

"I'm assuming you found the flop?" the brunette said as he began to rub his blanket that was sitting in his pocket.

"Flop? That's like, putting it mildly. This is a catastrophe!" The blonde replied with a smile. "This is like, a disaster, sure to offend every race, creed and religion. A sure to close in one night beauty!"

'That bad huh?' Might as well read it. "Well, let me see it."

"Here"

Once Feliks had handed the brunette the script, Toris turned to the first page and began to read. "Springtime for Hitler: A Gay Romp with Adolf and Eva at Bergesgarten." After a minute of processing what he just read, Toris looks back to the page to makes sure what he saw was true. It was. Wow. "Oh, my god." This _was_ bad.

"Like, Oh, my god is right." Feliks said, snatching back the script from the brunette. "It's practically a love letter to Hitler!"

It was safe to assume that this would in fact be the flop. But, maybe this was too far? Toris couldn't think of anyone who wouldn't be offended by this. Would this even be allowed on Broadway? "But, Feliks, this play won't last a week."

"A week? Are you kidding? This play has gotta close on…" After turning a couple of pages, Feliks stops and points to the end of the first scene. "Page four." Feliks tosses back the script to Toris, gets up and grabs his coat from off the couch. "Like, what's the author's name again?" He asked as he put on his hat and coat.

"Oh, um," Toris looks at the front page and reads the name of the author. "Ludwig Beilschmidt. 51 Jane Street. New York, New York."

"Ludwig Beilschmidt. 51 Jane Street. Got it" While Feliks fetched a contract from his desk, Toris went to get his coat. "We will get him to sign over the rights to Springtime for Hitler, even if we have to go so far as to pay him." With the new contract in hand, Feliks walks over to the front door to where Toris was, in the coat area.

As Toris finished putting on his tan coat, he noticed a hat, exactly like the one Feliks was wearing, on the coat rack. 'It must be Feliks' spare Producer's hat' Toris thought to himself. Before Feliks could open the door, Toris picks up the hat and shows it to Feliks. "Feliks, I noticed this hat here and was wondering if..." But before Toris could finish, Feliks snatches the hat away from him.

"No, this is a producer's hat, kid." The blonde said as he put it back on the coat rack. "And you don't get to wear that hat until...

"I know, I know. Until I produce a show on Broadway," Toris said a little disappointed, but he quickly recovered and gave his blonde partner a determined look. "but someday I'm going to wear that hat, and soon too, because..."

"We're going to be the producers" The two sang in unison "of a great big Broadway flop!"

With that, the two walked out of the office, only to get stuck because they tried to walk out of the door at the same time. Feliks manages to unlodge himself, and allows Toris to walk out first. Feliks follows and shuts the door behind them.

* * *

It was an especially glorious day in downtown New York, so glorious in fact that a man has decided to take his dogs out for some air. On the rooftop. Weird huh? Any who, the man, who is wearing lederhosen and a rather old army helmet for some reason, is standing before three dogs, who are lined up obediently in front of some dog bowls and a cage of small yellow birds. As he opens the cage, the man hears his dogs whimper.

"Ja, Ja" He said as he walked over to the edge of the building with a little yellow bird on his finger. "I'll feed you guys in a minute. Just hold on" After placing the bird down on a nearby table, he places a small bag round its neck. "Ok Gilbird, you must get this to Gilbert at North West Boulevard, New York, New York. You know, the building with the garden on the roof. AQAP!" When he received a confused look from Gilbird, the man clarified himself. "As quick as possible!" He yelled as he threw the bird up in the sky. When he saw that Gilbird was flying westward, he yelled out to it. "Gilbird! No! Not that vay! This vay!" He yelled as he pointed east. After seeing Gilbird make a U-turn and fly in the right direction, the man took off his helmet, revealing blonde hair, to wipe some sweat from his brow. The three dogs almost cringed when they came face to face with the giant scar that rested on the right side of their master's head. They'd thought they'd be used to it by now, but no, that scar will always be a constant reminder of what happened to their poor master. Fortunately, the blonde put his helmet back on and looked to his dogs."Alright, lunch time."

While the tall blonde fed his hungry animals, he failed to realize that two men had made their way onto his rooftop. As Feliks and Toris entered the rooftop, Toris notices a sign on the door, which reads "Keep Out", and points it out to Feliks, who just waves it off. After looking around a bit, Feliks notices a rather tall blonde feeding some dogs and a cage full of birds. "There you go, down into your belly." The man said in a thick German accent.

'Guess this is him' Feliks gives a small jab to Toris' side and points out the taller blonde to him. "This is just a hunch, but I think this is our man."

Toris eyed the man before him, who was now crushing empty beer cans on his helmet while staring at the large bird cage. _This_ is him? "Oh, Feliks. This can't be him! He's wearing a helmet and lederhosen!"

"I know, I know. Listen, just ignore it." Feliks grabbed Toris by the shoulders and turned him towards the taller blonde. "Look straight ahead. Remember,we need that play." Letting go of his partner, Feliks walks up to Ludwig and calls out. "Ludwig Beilschmidt?"

Ludwig, startled by the sudden sound of a stranger's voice turned around abruptly with his back on the cage. His three dog took a defensive stance and began to growl at the two producers, who stopped dead in their tracks. "I was never a member of the Nazi Party!" Ludwig yelled. "I was only following orders! I didn't know there even was a war! We lived all the way in the back, near Switzerland. All we heard was yodeling!" Ludwig then takes a moment to yodel, puzzling both Feliks and Toris, until Ludwig suddenly screamed. "Who are you?!"

Jesus Christ. And I thought _Liet_ was crazy! Looking back to his brunette partner, who was cowering behind him, Feliks figured that he was going to have to talk his way into this guy's trust."Don't worry, Mr. Beilschmidt." Feliks said with his hands up in a defensive manner. "We're not from the government. We're producers, here to talk to you about your play.

At the mention of his play, Ludwig relaxed a little and removed himself off of the cage. "Mein play?" When he noticed that his dogs were still growling, he motioned for them to stop and walked up to Feliks and Toris. "You mean, Springtime for..." Before he could finish that sentence, Ludwig stopped and looked around cautiously. "You know who?"

"That's the one."

"Vhat about it?"

"We like, think it's brilliant, a masterpiece!"

Toris, now done with his cowering, removed himself from behind Feliks and straightened out his coat. "We want to put it on Broadway!"

"Broadvay?" He knew his play was great, but Ludwig never imagined that someone would actually want to put it on Broadway. "This is wunderbar! I can't believe it. I must tell my dogs."

"Go tell your dogs!" Feliks said with his best smile as Ludwig ran up to his dogs in happiness.

"Blackie, Aster, and Berlitz!" He said to his dogs, who were still lined up. "Did you hear the good news? Finally, we get to clear the Fuhrer's name." While Blackie, Aster and Berlitz knew all too well who he was talking about, they knew that this wasn't their master's right mind and just supported whatever decisions he made. "Ach! Broadway!" Ludwig said to himself before returning to Feliks and Toris. "You know, not many people know this, but the Fuhrer was a great dancer!"

A great dancer? Hitler? Feliks found that hard to believe, but he knew that if he was ever going to get anywhere with this guy he would have to play along with...whatever this was. "Really?" He said with fake enthusiasm. "I had no idea." Looking over to the brunette, Feliks gave him a 'help me!' look. "Did you, Liet?"

Catching Feliks' look, Toris smiled nervously and responded. "Oh, uh, I sure didn't." Geez this was nerve-wrecking. Especially with Ludwig giving them a crazy look. He seemed angry and confused at the same time! What gives? Right now all Toris wanted to do was hide under his bed and sleep with his little blanket, but, like Feliks said, they needed that play.

'These dummkopfs really didn't know?' Now angry, for some reason, Ludwig began to yell at the two producers, causing Feliks to flinch and Toris to cower behind his blonde partner again."That's because you were taken in by the BBC! Filthy British lies!" Ludwig couldn't believe this. How two young men in the great country of Deutschland not know this vital information! Damn British succubus's. "Of course, they never said a bad word about Winston Churchill." Now _Churchill_ was a fiend! Just _thinking_ about that arschloch made Ludwig want to vomit. "Ach! Churchill! With his cigars and his brandy and his rotten paintings!" Turning around to face the sky, Ludwig's mood made a sudden turn from disgusted to admirance. "Now, Hitler. There was a painter. He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon. Two coats."

While Ludwig, who appeared to be having a moment of some sort, the two producers just looked in both fear and confusion at the man before them. Not only was this man highly unstable, but he was also completely nuts! How he isn't locked up in the Looney bin was beyond them. "Feliks" Toris whispered. "I'm scared."

"You don't think I am?" Looking back at Ludwig, who was still in a daze, Feliks decided to just swoop in while the big guy was in a good mood. Or what appears to be a good mood. Gathering his courage up, Feliks walked up to Ludwig and placed a hand on the taller blonde's shoulder. "Yes. Yes. And that is exactly why we want to produce your play." When Ludwig's gaze met Feliks', the smaller blonde continued. "Like, to show the world the true Hitler. The Hitler you loved. The Hitler you knew. The Hitler with a song in his heart." Eyes still locked with Ludwig's, Feliks motioned for Toris to bring him the contract. Toris complies and hands his partner the contract. "So," Feliks said as he showed the Ludwig the document. "If you will just sign this contract..."

"Nein."

"Nein?"

"No."

"That's what 'nein' means." The smaller blonde said, feeling close to having an ulcer. "Why not?"

"You must first prove to me that you are as loyal to our beloved Hitler as I am. By singing the Fuhrer's favorite tune, Der Guten Tag Hop Clop." At the mention of the song, all of the little yellow birds began to chirp excitedly, which causes Ludwig to run over and join in their excitement.

"Der Guten Tag Hop Clop?" Toris asked Feliks in confusion.

Feliks gives a solemn look to his partner and clarifies. "Der Guten Tag Hop Clop."

This is getting ridiculous! Is that even a real thing? "But Feliks, I don't want to sing the Fuhrer's favorite..." Before Toris could finish, Feliks covered the brunette's mouth and looked over at Ludwig to make sure he hadn't heard.

"Delighted. Delighted." When he saw that Ludwig hadn't heard Toris complaining, Feliks removed his hand from the brunette's face.

"...song."

"Liet, like, shut up." Feliks whispered angrily "Can't you see he's almost ready to sign?"

"Okay, " Ludwig said as he returned to his visitors. "First, you must roll up your pants." After receiving a confused look from his brunette partner, Feliks just shrugs and begins to roll up his pants.

"Rolling?" Ludwig asked to confirm that Feliks was doing what he was told.

"Rolling."

Pleased with what he saw, Ludwig turns to look at Toris, who had not rolled up his pants. "Rolling?" Ludwig asked the brunette, flashing him a rather angry look.

Realizing that there was no way out of this, Toris just sighed and began to roll up his pants. He wasn't comfortable with showing a lot of leg, so he just rolled up his pants to mid ankle. "Rolling..."

"Come on. Hurry. Don't be stingy, show some leg."

After the two finished, they both stood up and looked at Ludwig."Done."

"Gut!" Ludwig, who standing to the right of the producers, looked over the two and made sure that everyone was in place. When he noticed that they were, he continued. "Just follow my lead und repeat after me. Okay. Key of E?"

"Is there any other?"

"Wunderbar! Eins, zwei, drei!"

"Guten Tag hop hop. Guten Tag clop clop. Ach du lieber Und oh boy!" Ludwig sang as he began the German dance, clapping in all the right places as Feliks and Toris watched in amazement. Despite not looking it, the tall man proved to be quite the capable dancer. After walking in between Feliks and Toris, Ludwig faced the smaller blonde and clapped in his face. "Guten Tag clap clap." Continuing his song, Ludwig turned around to face Toris."Guten Tag slap slap." He sang as he slaps the poor guy in the face, causing the brunette to freeze in place and Feliks to cringe at his partner's misfortune. "Ach du lieber vat a joy!" While Ludwig continued on with his song, Feliks rushed over to his partner, who was beginning to crumble to the ground, and picked him back up before Ludwig turned around to face the producers. "Oh, veessen und fressen. Und tanze und trinken." Wiggling his hips, Ludwig motioned for Feliks and Toris, who had only been observing, to follow his lead. The dance seemed simple enough, so the two complied with the German's orders and began to wiggle their hips as well."Tanzen und trinken until ve get stinkin!" Feliks even seemed to be enjoying this part. Until Ludwig, out of nowhere, suddenly yelled out. "Everybody!" Causing the producers to flinch.

"Guten Tag Hop Clop." The three sang in unison while repeating the slap dancing that Ludwig had preformed a moment ago. "Guten Tag Hop Clog.

"Guten Tag Meine liebe Schatz." Ludwig sang happily as he danced around his two guests. "So ve hop our hops. Und ve clop our clops. Und ve drink our Schnapps 'Til ve plotz!" Ludwig stopped his dancing when he was at Feliks' right and began to sway in place. "You vill svay!" He commanded.

Feliks, actually starting to have fun, obeyed the taller blonde and began to sway as well. "Ve vill svay!" Toris, who was struggling to keep up, noticed the two blondes sway and began to sway himself. Poor guy looked exhausted.

Almost immediately after Toris began to sway, Ludwig hopped up a foot and struck a pose. "Follow me!"

Feliks, oblivious to his partner's struggle, followed suit. "Very good!"

'Damn it!' Toris yelled mentally. 'Why must this dance be so strenuous?' Letting out an exasperated sigh, Toris decided to just give up and just do what any middle-schooler would do in this situation. Dance half-assed in the back. Besides, the others two seemed to be having fun and probably wont notice anyway. Unfortunately, Ludwig did take notice of Toris' lame dancing, stomped over to the brunette and began to beam at him angrily. Utterly terrified of the glare being sent his way, Toris flinches a little, but then gets the message and hops as well. Well, _attempts_ to hop. He actually only manages to does a flimsy version of what Ludwig had done, much to both Feliks' and Ludwig's annoyance.

'Vell,' Ludwig thought to himself. 'I guess I'm going to have to show these guys how its done.' Ludwig, still staring down Toris, began to slap dance once more, urging the two producers to follow suit. When they did, Ludwig's mood changed from annoyed to satisfied and the tall blonde allowed himself to loosen up a little. Ludwig, caught up in the excitement, grabbed Feliks by the hands and flung him onto the buildings ledge. Feliks, who was having way too much fun and completely ignoring the fact of how dangerously close was to falling to his death, kept his grip on Ludwig and swung the taller blonde up on the ledge with him. Locking arms, the two blondes take a big step off of the ledge and back onto the rooftop, much to Toris' relief. Arms still locked, Feliks and Ludwig began to spin, until Feliks grabbed Toris and the three started to do a hoe-down style dance. All three of the men had began to enjoy themselves in the silliness of the dance. It was actually pretty fun! Even the birds chirped along happily while the three dogs moved their heads to the rhythm. "Oh Der Guten Tag Hop Clop!" Ludwig exclaimed happily. "It's been so long!" Black, Aster and Berlitz knew for a fact that wasn't true because Ludwig and his brother had just danced that this morning before work, but given their master's uh, condition, he had a tendency to forget things.

"It's sort of like a Nazi hoe-down!" Feliks said as they continued their dance. Ludwig, who was currently positioned in the middle, unlocked his arms with his guests and completely out of nowhere, slammed his fists into Feliks' and Toris' vital areas, causing the producers to grab their sore areas and groan in pain. It was safe to say that that concluded Der Guten Tag Hop Clop.

"Wunderbar, gentlemen! I like your dancing." Ludwig said to his guests, ignoring the distressed look on their faces. "You may produce my play!"

"Like, seriously?" Feliks asked, completely forgetting his pain. When Ludwig nodded to confirm, the shorter blonde fist pumped. Finally! Feliks, taking out the contract once again, brings it to Ludwig.

"But first," Damn! So close! Before his anger got the best of him, Feliks promptly puts the document back into his coat pocket and let the taller blonde finish. "You must say the sacred Segried Oath!

"And that is what exactly?" Toris asked as he sat down on a box with his arms crossed like a kid.

"It's to pledge your allegiance to our beloved Fuhrer!"

Pledge their allegiance to Hitler? Evil, mass murderer, dictator Hitler? That's not gonna happen! Deciding that this has gone far enough, Toris jumps off of the box and marches toward Ludwig. "Never..." Toris started, before Feliks punches the brunette in the gut. "...took that oath before."

Unfazed by Toris' comment, Ludwig takes out three Nazi arm-bands and passes them out to his guests. "You must also vear one of these."

"Never...oof...wore one of those before." Rubbing his now sore abdominals, Toris walks over to a corner and gestures Feliks to follow. "Feliks, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Hmm?" Looking up from the arm-band he was studying, Feliks notices the distressed look on his partner's face. "Oh yeah, like, sure." Turning to Ludwig, Feliks holds up the controversial arm-bands to the tall German. "Nice colours. Reversible."

"Oh ja. I hadn't noticed that before."

'Is he ignoring me?' Toris mentally screamed. Before the two blonde's small talk could continue any further, Toris took hold of Feliks and dragged the blonde over to the cornervthe brunette had been in. "Feliks, I think we should stop now." Toris said as he and Feliks put their arm-bands on. "I think we're getting in way too deep."

"Too deep? This is nothing! I once had to sneak some Cuban across the country into Canada! While in disguise!" After seeing the weirded out look his partner was sending him, Feliks pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's a long story. Look, I'll tell you when we're getting in too deep. Kay?" Giving Toris a pat on the back, Feliks walks to Ludwig, who is now sporting the arm-band, and waits for his command.

"First you must put up your left index finger und repeat after me." Feliks and Toris nodded and raised their index fingers up. "I solemnly svear..."

The two producers gave the tall blonde a look as if he was crazy. Or crazier than they thought. They then look at each other in confusion and just shrug. Might as well have some fun with this. "I solemnly svear..." they said in unison, mimicking Ludwig's accent.

"To obey the sacred Segried Oath."

"To obey the sacred Segried Oath."

"Und..."

"Und!" Feliks repeated as he switched his index finger with his middle finger, basically giving Hitler the bird.

Toris saw this and decides to do so as well. "Und!"

"Never, ever, ever..."

"Never, ever, ever..." The producers said while wiggling their middle fingers. Sensing something off, Ludwig suddenly glanced at his two guests, who had switched back to their index fingers just in time, only for them to bring out the offensive finger when the taller blonde looked away to continue the oath.

"Dishonour the spirit und ze memory of Adolf Elizabeth Hitler."

"Dishonour the spirit und..." Wait a minute. "Elizabeth?" The producers asked in unision, flashing Ludwig an utterly confused look.

After receiving said look, the taller blonde glanced back at the two. "Ja, that vas his middle name. You know, not many people know zis but the Fuhrer was descended from along line of English queens." An awkward silence fell on the three men. Never had Toris, nor Feliks have ever seen someone so cuckoo as the man before them. What was most unjarring was that he had said it so seriously, like he knew this for fact. What's worst was that because of this guy's unnerving anger issues, they're forced to walk on eggshells so that the blonde won't explode on them.

After a minute, Feliks, deciding to just go with it, breaks the silence. "Is that right?" He asked carefully, hoping not to anger the deranged German. When Ludwig nodded proudly, Feliks and Toris just let out an exhausted sigh and decided to just give up on making any sense of the crazy blonde. Bringing their index fingers back up, the two producers finished the oath. "Adolf Elizabeth Hitler."

"Okay," Ludwig exclaimed as he brought his hands together. "_Now_ I sign your contract!"

Not too convinced, Feliks gives the taller blonde a skeptical look. "Like, really?"

"Ja."

"For reals this time?"

"Ja."

"We don't need to do anything else? Like some blood ritual or something?"

"Vell if you _want_ to..."

"No! God no!" Taking out the contract for the final time, Feliks hands it over to Ludwig, who signs it without delay. After getting back the document, Feliks holds onto it tightly and beams at the neat signature._ Finally! _Step one complete! After putting the contract away in his coat, Feliks reaches his hand out to Ludwig for a hand shake. "Oh you won't regret this, Herr Beilschmidt!"

Ludwig, not even acknowledging Feliks' outreached hand , did what he believed was proper and gave the shorter blonde a nazi salute. "Ja hull!"

Oy. Not even bothering, Feliks quickly drew back his arm and walked to the exit as quickly as he could. "All righty" He said with an exhausted tone. As Toris turned to follow his partner, Ludwig flashes him a smile and gives the brunette a big slap on the back. When the German turned his back, Toris, who was already fed up with the abusement he's been getting , clenches his hands into fists and starts to charge at the tall blonde. Fortunately, before Toris could actaully make contact, Feliks grabbed ahold of the brunette and led him towards the exit. "Let it go. Let it go." It was probably for the best. Toris was obviously no match for Ludwig. Feliks was pretty sure that the German could eat the both of them if he wanted to.

Just as Feliks reached out to grab the door knob, Ludwig suddenly yelled. "Halt!" Frightened by the blonde's sudden outburst, the producers stopped dead in their tracks and put their hands up in a surrendering manner

"I forgot to tell you something very important." the German said as he walked up to Feliks and Toris . "Ze penalty for breaking the Segried Oath..." Stopping, for what it seemed to be for dramatic effect, the German gave the producers a grave look. "... is dess."

"Dess?" Feliks asked. "Is that anything like death?

"Yes."

Oh. This sure complicates things. 'Aw well. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.' Its not like this nut job will actually _remember_ this. "Well if that's the case then like, don't worry. We'll iron out all the thorny details over strudel." Turning back to the door, Feliks waves goodbye to Ludwig. "Ta ta big guy!" Turning the knob on the exit, Feliks tries to open the door, but finds he is unable to. Oh god no! "We're trapped! Trapped! Oh, there we go." he said as the door finally opened. After Toris had made his way out the door, Feliks turned to Ludwig and gave him a nod. "Let's have lunch."

After the two producers left, Ludwig, after intently staring at the exit, smiles. "They seem nice." He said to himself. "Ach! Broadvay! I haven't been this happy since we crushed Poland!"

* * *

**And there we have it folks! Chapter 4! Man, this month has been exhausting! I had took my English 3 AP test and practically passed out when I had finished it.**

**Not to mention that today, during my physical, my doctor aparently "found" lumps ****in my chest ****and now I cant have any chocolate until monday when they test ****me aand see if I actaully _do_ have lumps.**

**Sorry if this author's note seems depressing, I just needed to vent****.**

**sillypandalover91-Dont worry, things will end up good for them! Also I was actually worried if that line would come out akward or not. Glad you like it! :3**

**Cassie-Thank you! I'm always happy to recieve and respond to reviews! And don't worry, making his subordinates sing the unhappy song is totally what Russia ****would do****! :3**

** did**** any****one**** no****tice**** the**** references****?**** Sh****out**** o****ut** **to**** sillypand****alover91!**** Defina****tely**** o****ne**** of**** m****y**** favo****rite**** authors!**

**HERO AWAY!**

***Flies into a wingstop***


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